No · day · but · today

So I am on Facebook because much of my family and close friends are on it. I have what seems to be a workable number of friends on it. About half of them are familial, about half not. I have stayed in close touch with one friend from high school and when we friended I got lots of other request from high school friends/acquaintances. I accepted two others and just ignored the rest. Today I got this in my FB mailbox. I have snipped her name from it, but I am just flabbergasted. The very oddest thing is that a mutual friend of ours did some shilling to support her career change from lawyer to Jewish Baltimore columnist and I sent money anonymously!!! So is it just me, or is this WTF?? Or, am I just a bitch???

Dear Lisa:

Hello. I haven't seen you since high school. I hope you are well and happy in your life. I have tried several times to reconnect with you and am a bit surprised that my efforts do not appear to be reciprocated.

Perhaps my memory is faulty, but I thought we graduated high school on good terms.

If not, I hope you will find it in your heart to put the past to rest. Whatever happened between us happened over 30 years ago. I was a very messed up and confused individual who may have done things that hurt other people's feelings without my realizing it (or caring enough to act any differently). If that is what happened with what I thought was our friendship, I am truly sorry. I wish that I could take back a lot of the way I behaved during that time, but I can't. So I hope you will forgive me and move on.

I am now a more enlightened person, better able to maintain good relationships.

I'm withdrawing my friend request, but if you would ever like to reconnect with me, my door is open.

Have a great life,

plan to fail. Many years ago when I met with a financial planner (maybe 18 years ago or so) I told her that in my priorities I was more interested in retirement planning than for college funds for my (at the time) 2 kids. I told her that both J and I had paid for our college educations at UM by working and I thought my kids could (should)do it as well. Big mistake on my part. Even at UM it is impossible for an 18-year-old to earn enough to pay tuition.
Much of my eldest's was paid for by tapping my home equity line. Yesterday my home equity lender let me know via mail that my line was suspended. Nothing that I had done, but a reflection of a decrease in my home's assessed value. For anyone with an open line, take this as a wake up call. Think about if you want to pay the interest on taking some of the line and making it liquid. The lender does allow for the possibility of hardship cases, such as if you have signed contracts for a renovation, but not for things like regular expenses (such as college educations.) A few months ago my junior asked me what this (economic recession)would mean for him. As investment accounts plummet and credit lines are suspended, I fear for him and his college-bound cohort.

We have tickets to the inaugeration. Yellow section 13! Assigned seats!!!!

Can you tell I am a little excited?

It may have all gone to my head because I just finished booking a trip to Amsterdam in April to celebrate our 30th year of cohabitation. It's a surprise for a few more days, so don't tell J just yet. Our cohabit (aka first date) anniversary is the 26th and I will gift wrap the airline ticket and hotel confirmations and give it to him then.

a 14# brisket..first and second cut and a big old fat cap on top. Direct to me from the wilds of Long Island. For some reason around here it is impossible to find a whole brisket, but thanks to G and L tomorrow the beast has a date for 8 hours or so in my toasty warm oven. When I get home from school eau d'brisket will permeat every micron in my house. If you want some, come to Just Play for Sunday lunch.
Yesterday I went for my pre-Thanskgiving run to Costco. I travel an extra 20 minutes to go the one that is not near me. The extra time and gas money are well worth the no-crowds in this store. I am extremely disciplined in Costco and can avoid almost any temptation, but in addition to the 5 racks of lamb and the insanely cheap imported cheeses in my cart, a package of corn bread found its way in. Penguin Natural Foods brand cornbread mix is DIVINE!!! This sounds crazy to say, but it is well worth the trip. I like my corn bread a little sweet, a little cornmeal gritty and with some whole kernels -- this one has it all. Just wanted to spread the love.

was at my polling place at 6:10 and about 30 people in line. Left at 7:10 and there were hundreds!!!!

It was so wonderful to cast my vote; I have always loved voting, but never as much as today. Off to work now flaunting my "I voted" sticker.

it was hemp and I wasn't wearing white, but there was a lot of rope and it was fabulous. We have been steadily getting our post-hip replacement mojo on and a week ago I was asked what I wanted to do. I mentioned that while we have played with rope post-op we haven't done anything too severe. Hmm, that is all past tense now. The bondage was awesome even if it did end with some rope being cut. That is only the second time in 20 plus years of playing, so I am really okay. It was a lot easier to be okay because he was okay with it and it wasn't a beloved piece of rope.

The Pond House has been such a wonderful retreat for us over the past few months. We have gotten absolutely nothing done but lots of sex and lots of play and lots of hot tubbing. We agreed that this would be the last weekend where we did nothing but enjoy ourselves. We will still enjoy ourselves but we have pledged to also do some work. Already I saw the first wasp which means that the nests will soon be built and the gutters need to be cleaned and the grass will need to be cut and we need to finish up the work in the basement and...........

I got accepted to grad school last week and I spent this week working through the decision that I will attend. It is a three year part-time program that for the first two years is offered at a satellite UMD campus ten minutes from home. The first two semesters are 6 credit semesters where I go all day on Friday (9-12:30 and 1 - 4:30); I think that they deliberately sucker you in with such a chill first year. The second and third year the semester are 12 credits each. I will have to take a summer class through the graduate school to bring me up to working speed in human development and while that sucks in absolute terms, it probably is not a bad way to get me back in the academic saddle. I bet I still have the callouses from the last riding.

Physically I am in a good space as well. I have been going to the gym on a regular basis and that is helping so much with the rehabilitation. I have so much inspiration for that from the people in my life who have made feeling physically good and fit a priority in their lives. It is one more way that I am in their debt. I also am working with a wonderful physical therapist who helps me see the glacial progress that I am making. No big surprise, I subconsciously was expecting miracles from the surgery and from my begining attempts at fitness. Baby steps and showing up are my mantra regarding physical fitness; unfortunately I have other negative physical fitness mantras that sometimes think they can outshout that one.

Time is flying for me on so many levels, but I don't ever remember being happier in my life. I miss my long-distance love like crazy and the long times between visits is tough, but I am pretty good at those things that I truly want and right now my life is abundant with those people and things that I want.

Wow, I talked about bondage, sex, grad school, fitness and loves all in one post. I'm surprised at myself. Now, off to the gym. (Who is this impostor and what did she do with Lisa????)

and my word, it is cold. My trip to LA and Maui was fantastic. I am still smiling even as my teeth chatter as I dream of beautiful beaches and warm breezes. LA was perfect; it was all a reunion should be, just not enough of it. As the moments together passed I reminded myself to stay in the moment; when the moment is all you really want that is a blessing. Following that experience is like following children and animal acts...it just shouldn't be done. Luckily Maui was a safe haven filled with snorkeling out to see the sea turtles, sea kayaking from "our" beach, trying fabulous new recipes and LOTS of Scrabble. We routinely broke 700 in our 4-person games and had one 800+ game.
I arrived home in time to celebrate my 23rd wedding anniversary!!! That number just makes me laugh as it seems so ridiculously big. My favorite part was the relief in his eyes when I assured him that we were not exchanging presents. It was so sweet. Now that I am back the deadline for graduate school looms; by the end of this month I will have that done and we will see what the next chapter brings. Baby it's cold outside and I have to go and get one of the dependents. Y'all on the East Coast bundle up. Now where are my mittens?

I can't beleive that its been almost four weeks since hip replacement surgery. Time has both flown and crawled by. Recovery has gone really well, albeit so much slower than I craved. I think that I officially turned the corner last Wednesday when I put on my blue jeans after three weeks of wearing yoga/sweat pants. Some of my other recovery benchmarks: having sex and taking a bath today!!
Two weeks from today I am getting on a plane to LA for a two-day layover and from there on to a week in Maui. I WILL get on that plane.

No, not so much, although the implant is the newer metal on metal kind -- no plastic for this girl. The votes are in and the date for my hip replacement surgery is December 20th. Yeah, what a wierd time to do elective(ish) surgery, but it means that my support staff will be at its highest level and that is my most important criteria.

I am going to try and up my social outings between now and then as I am anticipating a few months of laying low until I emege new and improved. I know this might seem sudden to some people (including me as it was only a week ago that I saw the x-rays that sealed the deal) but it has been a long time coming and I know it is the right decision.

Play House 10th Anniversary Party for Women & Transfolk

Friday, Oct 12th from 9pm - 2am at Play House in Mt Vernon. $20 and please bring something to share for the table.

This is a private RSVP required play party so please RSVP to GlendaCPFA@aol. com.

Parking is available for $5 in our attached garage until 10:30pm.

We will be having a live top/bottom auction and a gently used toys silent auction both to benefit the Rainbow History Project - Cheryl Spector Archive Restoration Project during the party so please bring items to donate and cash to shop.


And Play House Studios Tenth Anniversary Gala & Play Party

New Equipment! New Art! New Friends and Visiting Special Guests! Fetish
and Formal Wear!

Please join us in our freshly renovated space for a fun filled evening
of celebration! Be among the first to break in our NEW EQUIPMENT. We will
also be offering portrait photo sessions so please Dress to Impress. This is a great opportunity to visit with old friends, like Sarah Humble who is flying in for the party, or to make some new ones.

Saturday, October 13th from 9pm until 2am at Play House Studios and
Gallery in the Mt. Vernon area of Baltimore - address provided with your RSVP to _nina@powerxchangebynina.com_ (mailto:nina@powerxchangebynina.com) .
This is a PRIVATE party so you must RSVP to attend. .

$35 per person includes the pansexual party and top notch food and
beverages. Parking will be available for $5 per car in our attached
garage until 10:30pm.

We hope to see YOU on October 13th!!!!!

Today while folding laundry and watching 10 minutes of "Little Miss Sunshine:"

Grandpa to Olive: "You're not a loser; a loser is one who's so afraid of failing she doesn't even try."

Yesterday after an intense hour with the 15 year old.
"Mom, I try so hard and I put myself out and nothing happens. I can't do this anymore."

The purge continues today amidst more basic cleaning. I am slowing down: reading through old cards from lovers will do that to you. Putting them back away is even slower. Sifting through jewelry that holds sentimental attachment: the slowest yet.

Today's results: two bags. These are contractor size bags, so that is like 4 normal size green bags. Anyway, here's the important part: I have too many thigh high stockings. Like by leaps and bounds and a pole vault. If you would like a pair or two or three, (almost all black but some "nude") drop me a post and I will be happy to mail them to you. I don't know their sizes, but they fit me! I can't throw perfectly good stockings away and they just don't want them at the Goodwill.

Is it just me, or does life seem to flow like a river and then all of a sudden there are rapids or s curves? When I look back at my life and the nearly FIFTY years it looks as if there are chunks that can stand alone. As if one could say that was my "this" period and that was my "that" period. I am definitely in the midst of a change points.

Last week a total of 26 contractor size garbage bags of possessions left my house. That is not hyperbole: I counted them! So much shedding of the relics of past lives and such a wonderful feeling of lightness. I truly do better when I have fewer possession and things and right now my life accommodates such a paring down. For so long I felt as if I was unable to allow more people into my life, with the jettisoning of things I feel as if there is more space for relationships and love.

In one of the more major changes last Thursday I went and had seven inches of my hair cut off and I am now a brunette again for the first time in eight years. It feels perfect.

I have been using a GRE study guide that comes with a CD and I am looking for some advice. Has anyone had any experience with GRE study courses? Were they they worth the money? Also, were there any particular techniques that you found helpful? I know that the only way through this is through this and that I have to be disciplined in my study, but I find myself with very little practical experience (I last took the SATs in 1976) and am wondering if I should turn to the professionals and just take the classes. My instinct is to not want to spend unnecessarily, but I also don't want to be penny foolish.
And yes, I know not all grad programs require the GREs, but my most favorite (at this point) does.

Another Saturday night, another round of goodbyes. Although we had our official going away party for LisaB (yeah, she has an LJ name, but she will always be LisaB to me) a few weeks ago, I said goodbye to her this past Saturday night at the FIST party. For once (well, not just this one time, but we really did it this time) FIST lived up to our name and the sling got a rollicking good workout by an ever changing cast.
I bought a bootblack scene from B and that is how and when we said goodbye. It was a special time that I will cherish. There are not enough LisaBs in the world and I will miss her calm, witty, wicked presence. Going to Playhouse just won't be the same without her. People come into your life and you don't always realize just how much you will grow to love them; my love for her has grown through the years; now is the long distance part of our friendship. Right now I feel an accumulation of loss, but I also feel an abundance of love -- it all feels so right. It is my life.

Oh, and B, I picked this icon for you.

On the road at 5:45 Monday the 18th. Sleeping Daddy seatbelted in next to me and we were off...next stop Salt Lake City! Well, it wasn't quite like that, but let's just say that we did make it to Madison, Wisconsin in time for dinner on Monday night (828 miles, if you're counting!) It was a delightful trip with the only traffic headaches in Chicago as we decided (not so much) that arriving there at rush hour would be a good idea. I had a "cherry" moment as we ate at the Madison Outback, which was a first for me. Without knowing it we began a tradition of eating flesh at every dinner and that one was quite delicious (a surprise to the chain snob that I am.)

Tuesday was merely 775 miles from Madison to Rapid City, SD, but we did make a brief tourist pit stop at the Corn Palace in Mitchell, SD. It was fun in a middle America kind of way and I am glad that we stopped. We were famished by the time we got to Rapid City and went looking for dinner before we stopped at our motel. Serendipity parked us around the corner from where we thought we wanted to eat and further serendipity meant that Daddy had to change outfits in the front seat of the car which gave me time to notice the restaurant directly in front of us. Delicious grilled calamari (weird to eat it in Rapid City, but oh so good), tasty green salad and the most awesome steak I can remember.

Wednesday morning I found the local Starbucks followed by a pit stop at the grocery store to get provisions for our day spent exploring the Black Hill region. Totally beautiful ride and a lovely lunch by a streamside camping site. Later I got cranky and hot and suggested an early end to our ride, but the cooler head prevailed and we got to see the most amazing granite rock formations. We even did a teensy amount of walking over rocks in our wildly inappropriate footwear. We saw LOTS of buffalo and some pronghorn antelope. By mid-afternoon we had to get back on the road and make westward progress toward our nighttime destination of Casper Wyoming. Twenty minutes into the ride we were in Custer,SD and saw a sign for the "Purple Pie Place" with a sign for RHUBARB PIE!!!! One of the many things that we discovered on our trip is that we both love rhubarb pie, so obviously we u-turned and made a pie stop. We each got pie ala mode and I managed to eat mine while driving to Casper. It's a good damn thing that we hit the road when we did because it was the longest 3.5 hour drive possible. There is NOTHING to see between Custer and Casper except lots and lots of open space with miles of trains hauling coal as the only visual. Desolate is the best description for both the scenery and our moods. Casper was a hilarious comedy of errors of us trying to find a room -- who would have thought that Casper would be sold out?? We finally got a room at the Motel Six and at 9:45 went looking for something to eat. "M" the GPS saved the night by finding a restaurant about a 1/4 of a mile away and we slipped in just before they closed for the night. "M" (who we call M because she has a hot and sexy Brit accent) was such a blessing on this trip. I know that she will be worth her weight in gold in LA, but she rocked my world going across the country as well.

Thursday: Loaded up the car for our last 400 miles from Casper to Park City. Some of the drive was absolutely beautiful and it was so nice to know that we were nearing the end of the driving portion. We drove for about 7 hours and got to Park City where we borrowing a beautiful house that allowed us all kinds of space and privacy. We crashed Thursday night and Friday we rode the chair lift to the top of the mountain and took in the beautiful scenery. Friday night we went out to have a really nice meal together, but honestly it was hard to enjoy it knowing that our time together was coming to an end.
Saturday morning we got up and drove to the Salt Lake City airport and I flew to Washington. I wouldn't have missed that trip for anything; it truly was a journey.

Being here has been harder than I thought it would be. I am trying very hard to stay sane and to keep from flipping out. Being an old lady sort of means that you have to act like a grown up, even when you feel like a little girl inside. I need to fill up my calendar and stay busier; to that end I am signed up to take the GRE at the end of July. I need to do VERY well on it in order to have even a whisper of a chance to get in into the master's program that I want. So it's back to the books for me. Truly no rest for the wicked!

and the women in my family on Wednesday. I have to have my last two papers e-mailed by Wednesday at noon and then lunch is with Mom, 2 sisters, two nieces, aunt, 2 cousins at a local restaurant. This is sort of a last minute thing that my Mom arranged and I realized this morning that I would really like to acknowledge them all in some way. This lunch is to mark my graduation and it would be such a nice time to share with them how much they mean to me and how much they have enabled/allowed/encouraged/inspired/supported me to this point. Any ideas on something to do for them? I am thinking that I could make pots of flowers/herbs for each of them (they could come to the house after lunch to get them)but I am totally open to any ideas. Anything?

Of all the dates, why this one? No particular reason, but I am sort of having a hard time wrapping my brain around the fact that two weeks from today I will be done with my undergraduate degree. I started in August 1977 and will finish in May 2007. Geez, I am a slow learner!

My family is insisting that I do the graduation thing on the 21st; it sucks not getting your way. Because I am a very bad girl I am thinking of wearing a hot girdle/bra combo and nothing else underneath the gown. I figure if I have to do this, at least I can have some fun. We are required to PURCHASE our gowns (wtf???) so at least I will be able to do a coed photo shoot when the nonsense part is over.

You may wonder what is next? Don't know. I think that I am too old to be a sex worker, so I am thinking about being a therapist. There's more than one way to fuck with people's heads.